Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: What did the hot dog vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
A: Change comes from within.

 

 

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A:  Because Buddhists don't have a soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: Many happy returns.

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

And now for Church Jokes...

 

These quotes appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

'The Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.'

'The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water"'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'

'Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.'

'Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard of love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care
much about you.'

'Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.'

'Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.'

'For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.'

'Next Thursday will be tryouts for the choir, they need all the help they can get.'

'Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.'

'A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.'

'At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.'

'Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones'

'The scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.'

'Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.'

'The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.'

'Pot luck supper Sunday 5:30pm - prayer and medication to follow.'

'The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.'

'This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.'

'The vicar would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the bacon and egg breakfast next Sunday.'

'Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet next Thursday at 7 pm. Please use the back door.'

'The Year 9 pupils form the high school will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Hall on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.'

'Weight watchers will meet every Tuesday at 7pm in the Methodist church hall. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.'

'The minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday - "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."'

 

If you missed the Spooky Halloween Stripper, she's waiting for you in Odd & Amazing Stuff!