A hedge fund trader parks his new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car a lorry zooms past too close to the kerb. It rips off the door and speeds away. The distraught man grabs his mobile and calls the police. They arrive minutes later. Before the officer can ask any questions, however, the man starts screaming hysterically:

'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche!’ the hedge fund trader rants. ‘ It's ruined. Even if I send it to the most skilled panel beaters in the world, it'll never be the same again!'

 

The policeman listens, shaking his head in disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you City guys are,' he says. 'You’re so bloody focused on wealth and possessions you fail to notice everything else in your life.'

'How can you say that to me at a time like this?'  the hedge fund trader sobs.

‘For goodness sake!’ the policeman exclaims. 'Haven’t you realized what’s happened? It wasn’t just the car door the truck took off - your right arm went with it'

The hedge fund trader looks down, wild-eyed with horror. 'F***ing hell!' he screams. 'Where's my beautiful, white-gold £50,000 Rolex?'

 

And here's more...

 

True Story and Winner of the American Criminal Lawyers Award Contest

A lawyer from Charlotte, NC, purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars. Then he insured them together with other household contents against fire. Within a month of having smoked the last one - and before having made a single premium payment on the policy - the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and won!

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that the claim was frivolous. But nevertheless the lawyer held a bona fida policy in which the insurance company stated that the cigars were insurable and guaranteed to pay out in the event of fire. The judge said that as the company had not defined what it considered to be an ‘unacceptable fire’, they were obliged to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars  in a ‘series of small fires.’

But the smart-ass lawyer got his come-uppance. The moment he cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim, plus his testimony from the previous case, used against him the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property. He was sentenced to 24 months in jail and given a $24,000 fine.

 And last but not least...

 

The USA’s 2008 Stella Awards (named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's where she purchased it. She was awarded $640,000. The accident occurred when she took the lid off the coffee and placed it between her knees while driving.)

 7th Place - Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded  $80,000 by a jury of her peers after tripping over a toddler running around inside a furniture store and breaking her ankle. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict - the toddler was her own son!

6th Place - Carl Truman, 19, of Los  Angeles, California, won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car because he was busy stealing the hubcaps.

5the Place - Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burgled via the garage. Unfortunately for him the garage door’s automatic opener malfunctioned and he couldn’t get out. Neither could he re -enter the house because the connecting door had locked when Dickson shut it. He spent eight days trapped in the garage, surviving on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food. When he was eventually rescued, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly a jury found in his favour. The insurance company was forced to pay the burgler a compensation of $500,000.

4th Place -Jerry  Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the backside by his neighbour's beagle, who was tethered in its owner's fenced yard. Williams got less than he asked for, however, because the jury believed provocation might have been involved. Williams had climbed over the fence into his neighbours yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

3rd Place – A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay Ms. Carson $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The soft drink was on the floor because she had thrown it at her boyfriend during a row 30 seconds earlier.

2nd Place - Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club because she fell from a window in the Ladies Room, knocking out her two front teeth. The reason Ms.Walton fell was because she was trying to climb through the window in order to avoid paying a $3.50 cover charge. A jury ordered the  club to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, and dental expenses.

1st Place – Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. For her first drive she went to see a football game. Driving back on the freeway, she suddenly felt hungry and decided to have a sandwhich. Setting the cruise control at 70 mph, she left the driver's seat and went to the kitchen at the back to make it. Not surprisingly the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs. Grazinski then sued Winnebago for  not stating in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home.