AGONY

 

I love my boyfriend but I can’t see there being any future for us because he can’t stop looking at porn on the internet. It makes me feel sick, angry and totally inadequate. He says he loves me and fancies me but if this is true why does he need to spend hours drooling over women with fake tans and breast implants?  If he knows it hurts me so much why can’t he just stop?

PJ - Swindon

 

 

 

 

 

ANSWER

Now that pornography has become so accessible courtesy of the internet, addiction to porn is rapidly catching up with other more 'popular' addictions such as heavy drinking and substance misuse. In common with these addictions it has very little to do with hedonism.

Porn addiction is part of a condition known as sexual compulsivity – the compulsion to block out psychological or emotional pain or self-sabotaging thoughts through engaging in a sexually-related activity which is often out of character or goes against the morals of the individual concerned. The self-loathing this induces – not to mention the pain to loved ones like yourself – heightens those feelings of guilt and shame which in turn continue to fuel the addiction.

Please be careful you don’t let your boyfriend’s obsession with porn affect your self-esteem too. It has nothing to do with you or your inability to fill a Double-D cup. If he says he loves you I’m sure he genuinely means it – and if you love him you can encourage him to acknowledge he has a problem and to seek professional help.

Diane Southam 

www.greenlighthealing.co.uk

Sex Addicts Anonymous www.saa-recovery.org

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes (Hazelden)

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