AGONY

 

Although he denies it, I’m pretty sure my dad’s an alcoholic.

 

My mum’s a nurse and works nights so she doesn’t get to see how much he’s drinking. She’s also a Methodist and she doesn’t like drink. They argue a lot. I love them both but I get on better with my dad than with her, so I don’t want to snitch on him, but I’m worried he might get a liver disease or something. It’s my gap year and I was planning to go travelling, but I’m worried about what might happen to them when I’m away.

 

ANSWER

 

 You feel it's your responsibility to hold the family together. The fact your parents aren’t getting on, (which could be either the cause or the effect of your father’s drinking), isn’t up to you to sort out. You’re not their parents.

 

Sharing your dad’s guilty drinking secret isn’t helping him either. It’s his problem, not yours. Clearly he could do with some help for his drinking, and help is out there, but he’s got to want to stop first. You’re doing the worrying for him. The more you make it your problem the less likely your dad is to make it his.

 

I get the sense that open communication is something your family isn’t too hot on. Maybe you could break this pattern by sharing your concerns with your mum and dad. They may not be aware of how much unhappiness their behaviour is causing you. If this doesn't work maybe you could suggest a few sessions of Family therapy, which is great for sorting out blocked communication and dysfunctional behaviours in families.

 

And please do go travelling. What you are responsible for is your own happiness. Have a great time!

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