'If there is no self
Whose arthritis is this?' 

When two major world religions meet, can the result be anything other than an overflow of, erm, wisdom?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life;
With the first sip, joy;
With the second sip, satisfaction;
With the third sip, peace;
With the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are.
Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing.
Do not wish for perfect health,
Or a life without problems.
What would you talk about? 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life,
You never called,
You never wrote,
You never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy.
It takes effort to attain nothingness.
And then what do you have?
Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.
The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
Will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud.
Let your stillness be as a wooded glen.
And sit up straight.
You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body.
Be aware of your perceptions.
Keep in mind that not every physical sensation
Is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says,
Love your neighbour as yourself.
The Buddha says,
There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook

And here's another one...

Q: What did a Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: What did the hot dog vendor say when the Buddhist asked for his change?
A: Change comes from within.

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have a soul.

Q: What does a Buddhist wish someone on their birthday?
A: Many happy returns.

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.