Tech support,  'What kind of computer do you have?'
Female customer,  'A white one...'

Customer, 'Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out of the computer.'
Tech support, 'Have you tried pushing the button?'
Customer, 'Yes, sure, it's really stuck.'
Tech support, 'That doesn't sound good, I'll make a note'

Customer, 'No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk. Sorry....

Tech support, 'Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer, 'Your left or my left?'

Tech support,  'Good morning, how may I help?'
Male customer, 'My problem is I can't print.'
Tech support, 'Okay, click on "start"  for me and then...
Customer,  'Listen pal - don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, you know!'

Customer, 'Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...'

Customer,  'I have problems printing in red...'

Tech support, 'Do you have a colour printer?'
Customer,  'Aaaah... Thank you.'

Tech support, 'What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer,  'A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies'

Customer,  'My keyboard has stopped working.'
Tech support, 'Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?'
Customer, 'No. I can't get behind the computer.'
Tech support, 'Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.'
Customer, 'Okay.'
Tech support, 'Did the keyboard come with you?'
Customer, 'Yes.'
Tech support, 'That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?'
Customer, 'Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...'

Tech support,  'Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.'
Customer, 'Is that 7 in capital letters?'

Customer, 'I can't get on the Internet.'
Tech support, 'Are you sure you used the right password?'
Customer, 'Certain. I saw my colleague do it.'
Tech support, 'Can you tell me what the password was?'
Customer, 'Five stars.'

Tech support, 'What anti-virus program do you use?'
Customer, 'Netscape.'
Tech support, 'That's not an anti-virus program.'
Customer, 'Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.'

Customer,  'I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse it disappears.'

Tech support, 'How may I help you?'
Customer, 'I'm writing my first e-mail.'
Tech support, 'Okay. What seems to be the problem?'
Customer, 'Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support, 'Are you running it under Windows?'
Customer, 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is
working fine.'

And last but not least...

Tech support, 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer,  I don't have a P.
Tech support, 'On your keyboard, Colin.'
Customer, 'What do you mean?'
Tech support,  '"P", Colin. "P" on your keyboard.'
Customer, 'You must be joking. I'm not going to do that