And now for really silly spooky stuff...

Why can't skeletons cross the road?  They have no guts.

How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?

Because they don't have any body to go out with.

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein.

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves.

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends.

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure.

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation.

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on a coffinbreak.

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits.

Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea.

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween.

How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it.

Why can't skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs.

Ha! Ha! Ha!