What's the capital of Iceland?
About £3.50

How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday

Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
The pizza can still feed a family of four...

What's the difference between a merchant bank and Jordan?
Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.

What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.

How did the credit crunch help me get back on my feet? My car was repossessed.

What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything? Make that a quarter-pounder with fries, please.

How do you know the Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed? They've called in the retrievers.

You know it's a credit crunch when...
The cashpoint asks if you can spare any change.

There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer on banks.

The Inland Revenue is offering a 25 per cent discount for cash-payers.

Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and started sucking his thumb.

Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than sterling.

Highgrove has been repossessed.

Victoria Beckham is pictured shopping in Primark.

Alistair Darling's eyebrows have turned white.