My problem is that as soon as a woman gets really keen on me I lose interest. I may sound like a callous bastard but I’m not. I know it’s probably because my mother moved out when I was eight years  old, but I still can’t help it.

NS - Southampton



I think you maybe have a touch of the Groucho Marx syndrome: 'I just don’t want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.'  When a parent leaves it’s common for children to blame themselves. They believe there’s something 'wrong' with them, and sometimes this belief never goes away. So when a woman comes along who sees there’s a lot that’s 'right' in you, you unconsciously believe there must be something 'wrong' with her. There isn’t.

You need to challenge your negative core beliefs. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) could be helpful here. If you don’t want to see a therapist, Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine A Padesky (Published by Guildford) has a good section on changing core beliefs.

Diane Southam

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