AGONY
My partner and I have been together for twelve years and have twin daughters aged six. Since their birth our relationship has deteriorated to the extent that we now sleep in separate rooms and lead virtually separate lives.

I still want us to stay together even though we spend much of the time screaming at each other.

I was brought up by a single parent and desperately want my kids to experience normal family life. We've seen a couples' counsellor but my partner's still adamant he wants a separation. Any suggestions as to where we should go from here?

ANSWER

Yes. I suggest you and your partner contact a mediator (see links below) and start to work out an amicable separation either with their help or through a family court. Don't delude yourself into thinking that your children will be happier if you stay together. Children who live in a tense, vitriolic atmosphere with parents who clearly don't love each other suffer much more than those whose parents live apart. Constant expose to feuding parents also establishes a poor blueprint for their future relationships in adult life. 

Your 'desperate' desire to create a 'normal' family life for your kids is most probably your way of trying to fix what I suspect is your own painful childhood. Maybe you could benefit from some personal counselling. To find someone suitable in your area I suggest you get in touch with BACP – British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapists, (see link below).

www.greenlighthealing.co.uk

www.bacp.co.uk/

www.cafcass.gov.uk/ For advice on putting children first in family courts

www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/

www.parentlineplus.org.uk/ 

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