Feeling hot and bothered? Diane Southam suggests a few ways to cool down

BUSTERS

• Identifying your anger triggers

• Reality-checking your internal dialogue when your anger is triggered. It could be totally irrational

• Understanding that anger is a secondary emotion driven by a primary emotion such as fear

• Recognising that your anger is often displaced e.g. your boss yells at you so you go home and yell at your partner

• Viewing anger as a motivator to achieve your desires

• Using Anger Spoilers to calm yourself down e.g. Counting to 100/Punching a pillow/Walking away/Breathing deeply/Telling yourself ‘I’m in control’

• Being disarming, charming or humorous when anger is in the air

• Knowing the difference between destructive anger which brings on misery and guilt, and constructive anger which can result in learning and change

BOOSTERS

• Believing that your worth and value depend upon what other people think, say and do to you

• Thinking in a rigid, distorted, black and white, all-or-nothing kind of way

• Screaming abuse at someone. This may relieve tension in the short term and give you a feeling of power, but will ultimately prolong the cycle of anger

• Interpreting negative comments as a personal attack. In reality, it’s not the words themselves that make you angry, but your own interpretation of them

• Being unaware that ‘natural’ physiological, adrenalin-driven ‘fight or flight’ responses exacerbate anger and violence

• Drinking too much and not sleeping enough

• Swallowing your grievances rather than airing them. You run the risk of falling into the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ syndrome

• Believing, as kids do, that because something ‘isn’t fair’ your anger is justified. The world has never been and will never be fair. Get used to it

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