AGONY

My partner’s keen for us to start a family. What’s holding me back is that she can’t seem to stop shopping.

We have a joint bank account and although I have a reasonably well-paid job in the city (for the time being at least), we struggle to pay the bills at the end of the month because she’s spent a fortune on clothes, botox or ‘accessories’. Whenever I try to raise the issue of her overspending she flares up and accuses me of not loving her any more or of being tight. She says she wants to be a stay at home mum.  I’m the main breadwinner, but I dread to think what will happen if we have one less income and one more mouth to feed.

ANSWER

It’s no surprise that Christian marriage vows advocate staying together …for richer or for poorer… because couples argue more about money than anything else.

First off, I suggest you get separate bank accounts. You’re not a walking wallet. Your partner needs to take responsibility for her own expenditure. Financial problems – not to mention children – put a huge strain on any relationship. You’re earning reasonable money at the moment, but what do you think would happen if you lost your job? Would your relationship survive?  Would she? Shopaholics are often depressed or lacking in confidence. Maybe she needs help?  Or maybe she’s just plain greedy and in dire need of a reality check.

Keep raising the issue with her – even if she does flare up. Relationship problems need talking through before they fester, and it’s a good idea to get the foundations of your relationship right before you start building a family.

A couple of sessions with a relationship counsellor could be helpful. Try contacting Relate or The British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists to find one in your area.

Diane Southam

Greenlight Website 

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