Most of us experience loss at some point in our lives. Diane Southam gives some tips on grief management

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BUSTERS

Understanding that although it feels lonely, you’re not alone when it comes to grief. Few of us manage to complete our lives without losing a loved one

Discovering that love is stronger than death

Respecting your grief and the pain that accompanies it, which means releasing your tears and emotions, rather than denying or suppressing them

Viewing death as life’s greatest adventure

Accepting that for those who have suffered deeply, in body or in mind, death can be the greatest healer

Realizing that through experiencing the sufferings of grief we become more compassionate, empathic human beings

Learning that people have also had beautiful experiences around the death of their loved ones, including awareness of the existence of a deeper reality

Believing in the eternity of life

BOOSTERS

Believing that your grief should conform to the ‘text-book’ five stages of Denial/Anger/Bargaining Depression/ Acceptance. Everyone’s grief is personal and therefore different

Refusing to grieve. Sadly, it still catches up with

Experiencing ‘complicated grief’ – where there are either unresolved issues, or you had a painful relationship with the deceased. It’s advisable to seek professional help as this type of grief is much harder to process and can lead to depression

Thinking that anti-depressants will take the pain away. They can be helpful if you develop a grief-related depression, but grieving is a natural, healthy process – if a painful one involving a plethora of emotions such as sorrow, relief, shame, stress, loneliness, anger, guilt

Feeling guilty, where the deceased is concerned, about what you should or shouldn’t have done. This is a very common reaction, but also a futile one

Pedestalizing the bereaved – which is different to loving them. It isn’t real. They were human

Avoiding sorting out, and where appropriate keeping, giving or throwing away the deceased’s belongings Leaving the ashes at the undertakers, which many people do, because they can’t face dealing with them.

Scattering or burying ashes in a beautiful place shows respect for your own grief as well as for the deceased

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