AGONY

I’m a male in my mid-twenties. For years now I’ve struggled to maintain relationships – usually because I end up sabotaging them. 

I think it’s because deep down I don’t believe that anyone can really care about me. Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that this probably has something to do with being sexually abused by an older relative when I was nine. I don’t know if I should or could go for help. I think I’d feel uncomfortable talking about it with anyone.

ANSWER

Research has consistently confirmed the grim statistic that one in four children will experience sexual abuse before the age of eighteen. It goes without saying that this invidious practice can have physical, emotional and psychological repercussions. Abuse frequently triggers low self-esteem, anxiety, shame, addictions and even self-harm – all of which obviously impact on relationships with others.

One of the reasons why sexual abuse can be so painful and difficult to talk about is because the abused person will often, unconsciously, take on the guilty, self-loathing feelings of the abuser. Heartbreakingly, this makes the victim of the abuse feel that they themselves are unworthy and somehow responsible for what happened to them.

You can and really should seek help for this. I can highly recommend One in Four UK. It’s a charity offering individual and group therapy, advocacy, a telephone helpline and online support for anyone who has been sexually abused.

One in Four UK is run by trained people who have been sexually abused themselves, and who can therefore understand the suffering and silence that envelops the abused. Who better to help you on your healing journey?

Diane Southam

Greenlight Counselling and Coaching Consultancy