Serving others is definitely one of the 'things to do before you die', writes life coach Deborah Trenchard. 'It fills you with inexhaustible joy

While trawling the website of London's Royal Brompton Hospital one day I noticed a request for volunteers. So, as a gesture of gratitude, I responded to the hospital’s needs just as it had done to my daughter’s since she was under a year old. She died twenty years later of a congenital heart and lung malfunction — years during which she received the best professional help imaginable.

I, too, was a patient there having had heart surgery eleven years ago. I received the best possible care and felt privileged to be treated at this world-renowned heart and lung institution.

Because of my medical history, I’ve been able to reach out to others with empathy. For instance, I’ve met patients with the same heart condition as my own. And I’ve met others who have had their surgery cancelled for whatever reason. Having suffered the same disappointment I was able to encourage them by sharing my experience with humour and confidence.

On a number of occasions, theatrically, I have told a group of patients about the day I ran for the bus — three weeks after my cardio-valvular operation. They loved it! I walked away leaving them all eagerly anticipating the surgeon’s scalpel!

I’ve also had the privilege to sit and talk to some very sick young patients. Aware that their debilitating disease will end their lives, they treasure every moment. I once asked a twenty-something-year-old what was the most important thing to her? I was profoundly moved by her response: 'Oxygen,' she said, inhaling from the cylinder to which she was attached. 'I would love to be able to breath without the cylinder, but I can’t.'

Those of us who are well take this life-giving gas for granted. I’d experienced my daughter’s shortness of breath because of her defective heart and lungs, and especially during her final week when a serious infection made it impossible for her to breathe on her own.

Earlier this year I ran into financial difficulties. At times I would feel incredibly low and overwhelmed by negative 'Sod it, what’s the point?' thoughts. Feeling utterly depressed, I’d sit and ponder my plight.

But whenever I felt really desperate, a powerful force would urge me to get up and go cheer up the sick! So I’d visit patients with debilitating diseases with no known cure and who, consequently, could only hope that their massive drug intake would ease their pain and allow them to see another day, and who nevertheless managed to live with hope. I highly commend their 'never give up' spirit. My financial situation looked insignificant.

During a visit on one of my 'feeling-hopeless days' I met a man who was incredibly happy because he had just been given good news: his name had been placed on the transplant list. I had an idea what that was like because my younger sister had waited several years for a liver transplant.

I knew the frustration and anxiety of waiting. I also knew that organs are not readily available. Added to that, any potential organ has to 'match' with the patient, and even a slight imperfection will deem it unusable for anyone. But in spite of this awareness, I naturally shared this patient’s excitement. 

Hugely beneficial are the insights I’ve gained as I encountered patients during my 'ward rounds'. A number of things became profoundly clear: chiefly, that there is nothing to fear, only to be understood. Live life to the full. Have no regrets. No matter how well educated, how wealthy, or how famous, none of us are exempt from a serious illness. And it could come without prior warning.

Giving is wholesome. By reaching out selflessly my life has more depth, my perspective is broader, more developed. Volunteering has added that je ne sais quoi to my repertoire. This transformation could only have come through my service to others. But more than what I gave was what I learned — especially from those suffering from cystic fibrosis, a multi-organ disease. 

Having now made a contribution, I’ve decided to stop volunteering. It is okay to stop. In fact it is better to stop on a high note rather than continue out of a sense of 'duty'. And it has been an experience I will always treasure.

Deborah Trenchard, 

author, life coach, patient advocate

www.stepstochange.co.uk

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