Welcome to the ezine produced by SGI Buddhists that prompts the positive, kindles the constructive, highlights the hopeful and leaves you feeling - well, up!
Published on Sunday, 21 September 2008 19:00 | 
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1. The patient refused an autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant and infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
18. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
19. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
22. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
21. The pelvis exam will be done later on the floor.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Published on Sunday, 14 September 2008 19:00 | |
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And now take a look at Fat Cats Etcetera in Funny Stuff!
Published on Sunday, 14 September 2008 19:00 | |
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The Difference Between Dogs and Cats
A Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
A Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...
Published on Monday, 08 September 2008 19:00 | |
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Tech support, 'What kind of computer do you have?'
Female customer, 'A white one...'
Customer, 'Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out of the computer.'
Tech support, 'Have you tried pushing the button?'
Customer, 'Yes, sure, it's really stuck.'
Tech support, 'That doesn't sound good, I'll make a note'
Customer, 'No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk. Sorry....
Published on Sunday, 07 September 2008 19:00 | |
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Was it a sudden death? A ritual sacrifice? Or maybe they were prehistoric, star-crossed lovers who took their own lives? Dubbed the 'Lovers of Valdaro', this Stone Age couple were found outside Mantova, Italy, in 2007. Their eternal embrace has captured the hearts of romantics everywhere.
Published on Sunday, 31 August 2008 19:00 | |
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DATING
Published on Sunday, 24 August 2008 19:00 | |
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And now go to Funny Stuff for a RUDE JOKE!